You can find them in the seedier side of any city: The downtrodden, misfits, thieves, gamblers, con-artists, low-lifes, lawyers, insurance salesmen etc. They are governed, not by the law of the land, but by the tough brutal guilds of organized crime. Someone known simply as "Da Boss" rules each guild.

It is from this shady world that the real Bastards first appeared. Although facts are scarce, the word on the street indicates that the very first real Bastard team (The Patronising Bast--ds, otherwise known as PB) came about when a particular league commissioner, who will remain nameless for legal reasons, owed a favour to one of the crime guilds. Before the final that year, there was an amazing amount of publicity about the great, unbeaten Patronising Bast--ds (who were about to play their first game) and none whatsoever about the Crusading Vermin (the reigning champions). The publicity was so overpowering that the PB became the shortest priced favourites in the game’s history. Unfortunately for the punters, the Vermin won the game 16-1. It seems the PB were more interested in laying the boot in than going for the ball. Phil Superior, the sole remaining Bastard, scored their touchdown in the dying seconds as the last vermin was carried from the field with boot prints on his face.

The game featured 10 send-offs and twenty-two casualties, including twelve deaths. It is considered by many experts to be the most lopsided, dirty, degrading, bloody, bloodbowl finals contested in the history of the game. Needless to say it’s considered one of the greatest games ever by the fans (who didn’t bet on the game).

Other crime guilds saw the profit achieved due to the PB and formed teams of their own. They even formed leagues composed totally of Bastards, though winning the games and the leagues themselves seems to come a distant second to causing pain and suffering. Then again, that’s Blood Bowl.

With this kind of profile you would expect Bastards to be a very popular team with the fans and they are. That is, until they meet them. Basically the guys in these teams are the most irritating, obnoxious group of Bastards you are ever likely to meet. They annoy you simply by being there. A fan was once reported as saying "I know that bloke said he never met anyone he didn’t like, well he never met one of these Bastards". This may explain why all Bastard teams have a bad attitude, which can be summarised by the golden rule of the Patronising Bastards. "Never hit a guy when he’s down, kick him again and again and again. It’s lots more fun!" (By the way it is not compulsory for this team to foul. They may even play a game where they don’t foul at all, but I doubt it).

Bastard teams have played in many of the major leagues, though generally only for a season at the end of which they are usually under investigation by the league, the police and the tax department (who have a remarkable arrest and conviction rate!). A notable exception to this is the Jurist Prudence who have participated in the Chaos Cup for the last three seasons. Their record is puzzling. They have only played High Elf and Wood Elf teams who they inevitably loose to after literally stomping their opponents into the pitch. Oddly, given their poor record, Jurist Prudence has still received an invitation to the next Chaos Cup.

Players:

New traits:
Arrogant: Those with the arrogant trait want to be the hero and receive all the accolades. So they believe they can score whenever they get the ball. They will only hand off or pass on D6 roll of 4+. An arrogant player is too self-centre to inspire teammates or be inspired by them so Team or leader rerolls won’t work for him and he can’t gain the leader skill. The arrogant trait can never be removed because you don’t cure arrogance by personal success and acclaim.

Advance: Because of their slow intellect, the Big Ugly Bastards must earn double the SPPs to gain a Star Player roll. While Big Ugly Bastards can normally only learn Strength skills, on doubles on the Star Player roll they may:

• Add +1 to Strength (maximum of 8)
• Add +1 to Armour Value (maximum of 10)
• Learn a General skill
• Remove BoneHead

• Persuade the opposition’s apothecary to heal a real Bastard instead of one of his own team. He is successful on a dice roll of 2+. If this option is chosen and the Cocky Bastard receives a casualty before the apothecary is used or, has a niggle that will cause him to miss the game, the apothecary must be used on him.
• Due to his obvious concern for the Cocky Bastard, once during a game, on a roll of 2+, he can convince the Cocky Bastard to pass/hand off the ball as normal for one drive.

On Pitch Spellcaster:
None, team may have an off pitch Dirty Conniving Bastard even if you play with only On Pitch Spellcasters.

Racial Wizard:
The Real Bastards do not use Wizards instead they may have Dirty Conniving Bastard for 150,000. He knows all the dirty tricks in the business and likes seeing others suffer. He sets up dirty tricks. Rolling a second dice for special play cards represents this. All of these extra cards must be Dirty tricks. Naturally, he will do the same for the opposing team for the small fee of 20,000gps. Of course, on some occasions the opposing coach may find he didn’t deliver on his promises due to pressing business commitments. If the opposing coach takes up the offer, deduct 20,000gps from his treasury. Roll a D6. On a result of 3+ he can make another special play card roll to determine the number of extra dirty trick cards he can pick. Each time the opposing coach buys dirty tricks the Bast--ds get 10,000gps for their treasury. After all a man’s got to earn a living.

Stadium rules:
None written to date.

Cheerleader rules:
None written to date.

Secret Weapons:
The Real Bastards can use explosive bombs and chainsaw. Their favourite is the bomb, because it gives them more opportunity to "lay in the slipper".

Star Players and Allies:
No-one else wants to play with them so they can have no alliesand no one will have them for an ally. They have no star players. The Cocky Bastard wouldn’t allow anyone else to take the lime light.

Special Rules Summary:

• No allies
• No Star players.
• Players with the Arrogant Trait must role before attempting a pass or a hand-off. On 4+ he will attempt to pass or will hand-off, otherwise he keeps the ball.
• Dirty Conniving Bastard instead of a Wizard, see above.
• If either Cute little Bastards or Big Ugly Bastards are reduced to one you must buy another immediately at the end of the game or the other will leave the team.
• No Apothecary instead they have the Manipulative Bastard, see above.

Poor Bastards: The name seems to say it all. These poor Bast--ds are shanghaied from bars, docks and places of ill repute to make up the numbers. They are given a choice, join the team or live out the rest of their futile existence in Karoake bars listening to endless renditions of "I will survive" or "Dancing Queen". It’s an offer they can’t refuse. (The assumption is that they have access to General skills and traits, but none have lasted long enough to find out).

Cute Little Bastards: Originally "volunteered" because they were hanging around a certain guild boss’ girl, these geeks found bloodbowl the ideal way to attract chicks of their own. You never see these guys by themselves. They believe they are safer in a crowd. If you use them, you have to have at least two. If you drop down to one you must buy another or the survivor will leave the team looking for a crowd to blend into. (Please note: only a real Bastard would use a non-stunty/Titchy player with Right Stuff or have strength two players that start with dauntless.)

Big Ugly Bastards: These Big Guys always come in pairs and only two at a time. Originally the Guild Boss’ bodyguards and bookends, they were included in the team to encourage the rest to achieve the right result. If one dies, you must replace him or the other will leave the team in confusion and sadness. (It’s great to see these big ugly Bastards cry!) They have foul appearance for obvious reasons and Throw teammate to complement the Cute Little Bastards and make you despise them all the more.

Lucky Bastards: Having already caught the Da Boss’ eye they will move up quickly through the organisation. All they have to do is show they have the guts and the attitude to make an impact (preferably on the opposition). They can move quickly, block and are hard to hurt. Basically they’re lucky Bastards.

Cocky Bastards: The only player who wants to be in the team. He is really confident, with some justification. He can run. He’s strong. He can tackle (Block) and pass (pass) and his confidence (represented by Pro) means he can carry things off more often than others. However he is Arrogant (New trait). The arrogant trait can never be removed, but the Manipulative Bastard can negate it for a short period (see below).There can be no more than one of these on a team as no team can cope with more than one cocky Bastard.