BEER AIN'T EVERYTHING,
IT'S THE ONLY THING!
The Norse in Blood Bowl by Jervis Johnson
The long awaited Norse Team are here in all their beer swilling glory. Jerv quaffs a few ales to get in the mood for a good punch up, er, game...
Originally published in White Dwarf #223, Blood Bowl Compendium #2, and Blood Bowl Magazine #1
Copyright Games Workshop LTD 1999
UP NORTH
The Norse inhabit a cold and frozen land to the north of the Old World. Norsca's not all that nice a place really; it is harsh winter for nine months of the year for a start, the summers aren't much better, the nearest neighbours are Chaos Warriors, who will insist on mounting raids all the time – as if the parties weren't bad enough - and because it's so difficult to grow crops, the staple diet is dried elk flesh and a local, very smelly delicacy called rotted herring. it's little wonder then that your average Norse warrior therefore only thinks about two things: "Where's my next pint?" and "How the hell do I get out of this place?"
And that's where Blood Bowl comes in. Let's face it, if winter is about to set in and all you've got to look forward to is the neighbours calling round, or finishing off the last of the rotted herring, and then you hear that the local Blood Bowl team are looking for players for the l.ustrian tour, what are yo going to do? That's right, u you're going to break out your spare iron jockstrap, shoulder that last barrel of beer, and set off for the team long-ship pronto!
So it is that Norse teams are a common and very, very raucous feature of most Blood Bowl tournaments and leagues. The Norse actually make quite good Blood Bowl players; they are brutal, not too bright, very tough, and they love a good punch-up - and that's when they're sober! After a few pints of strong Norse beer, these charming features of t I he Norse character are, erm, emphasised, and of course the players' alcoholic daze occasionally results in them forgetting all about little things like scoring touchdowns, in favour of duffing up the opposing teams' players and trying to chat up their cheer-leaders.
***Did you know
...One of the best sequences of victories in the history o f the Asgard Ravens came during the players' strike of 2477. The Ravens won 5 out of 5 games during this period. 7be owners had tried to draft in extra players, but failed, and were forced to field the Valhalla Chorus - the team's cheerleaders. As a member of the Lowdown Rats put it: "We don' mind geddin' a beatin' sumtimz, but dose wimmin wuz danjerus!"
TEAM PROFILE: THE NORSCA RAMPAGERS
Team Colours: Blue & Bear Skin Players: Norse Head Coach: Magnus ‘Axeface’ Manglesson
For many years the Rampagers were known as the Vynheim Valkyries, but following the breakup of the NAF and the subsequent pulling out of their long-time backers 'Skalgrimm & Hoist Associates' (producers of 'fine rotted herring'), the Valkyries changed their name and went freelance. The new look team has proved every bit as brutally effective as the old, and the players much prefer the new life-style as it means that they don't have to go home to freezing cold Norsca for any home games.
2442 Fishermen cut-off in Vynheim for the winter decide that their knockabout games of football should be made official, and a proper team is established. Being a team of berserkers, they soon thrash the living daylights out of every two-bit team in their league, and go professional the next year with financial help from Skalgrimm & Hoist Associates (Fish Processing Made Fun!)
2463 In a shock result the Rampagers (then still the Valkyries) trash favourites, the Reikiand Reavers, in the Blood Bowl final at Longship Stadium. Some cynics suggest that it was unwise for the Reavers to play on ice without prior practice, and even sillier to play in flat-soled shoes and short-sleeved shirts! The Rampagers modestly put it down to sheer skill.
2474 The Gouged Eye are more prepared when they meet Vynheim, but reckon without the quite extraordinary tactics of aptly-named ‘Axeface' Manglesson, who accounts for all but one of the Gouged Eye's first eleven, leaving the rest of the team the simple task of running the ball up the field to win.
2489 The collapse of the NAF leads Skalgrimm & Hoist to withdraw their sponsorship. The outraged team storms the company's headquarters, burning the entire plant to the ground, and making off with most of the board who are later ransomed back for a huge sum. The Valkyries go into hiding and then change their name to the Norsca Rampagers. Players in the new team deny any involvement in the incident, blaming it on 'those other Norse players what were in the Valkyries'. Investigating officials decide not to press the matter after one of the party gets involved in an unfortunate 'team training' accident.
Present Following the sad demise of head coach Mad Jake McDeath - who died of apoplexy while bawling the team out after a 5-0 loss to the Moot Mighties - the team is rejoined by ‘Axeface' Manglesson who comes out of retirement to become the new team's head coach. Under his exacting, if uniquely brutal, coaching regime the
Rampagers start to go from strength to strength, and many pundits have now named them as a 'team to watch'.
Team Honours: Blood Bowl Winners: 2463 (111), 2474 (XM. Orcidas Team Of The Year: 2487 . Spike! Magazine Team Most Likely To Cause Total Mayhem: 2488, 2498.
Hall Of Fame: Gregor Lukash, Magnus 'Axeface' Manglesson, Stefan Spearstaff
Famous Norse Teams: Norsca Rampagers (ex Vynheim Valkyries), Arctic Cragspiders, Asgard Ravens
NORSE TEAMS
Norse teams have a well deserved reputation for ferocity both on and off the playing field. The average Norseman is a homicidal maniac at the best of times, largely brought about by a life of and vast quantities of stomach-stripping drink. But melancholic solitude for half of every year
the Norse that takes up Blood Bowl is a truly unedifying specimen, interested only in beer, women and song off the playing field, and beer, women and bloody carnage while on it!
Qty Title Cost MA ST AG AV Skills
0-12 Norse Lineman 50,000 6 3 3 7 Block
0-2 Norse Catcher 70,000 6 3 3 7 Block, Catch
0-2 Norse Thrower 70,000 6 3 3 7 Block, Pass
0-4 Norse Blitzer 90,000 6 3 3 7 Block, Frenzy, Leap Up
Re-roll counter: 60,000 gold pieces each
Norse gain skills in the same way as Human teams (I.e Norse Linemen as Human Linemen, etc.)
NORSE DRINKING SONG
Drinking, drinking, drinking.
Drinking 'til I'm drunk.
Standing up, falling down,
getting in a fight,
Punching someone's lights out,
falling on the floor,
Waking up next morning,
Then getting drunk some more!
(Repeat ad infinitum until someone asks you to stop,
duff them over, then start again!)
* * * Did you know..
Blood Bowl has a growing and very enthusiastic following in Norsca, which is hardly surprising considering the Norse love of anything in the slightest bit violent. Norse teams are not renowned for their subtle tactics, and have been known to forget all about the ball in their rush to inflict severe and, if possible, crippling damage on the opposition!